i don’t have a me

I'm all ears!

I had a heart to heart with K the other day.  Now, this is and isn’t somewhat unusual. It is unusual because I’m K’s client and only see him once or, at the most, twice a month.  We rarely communicate outside of my appointments.  It isn’t unusual because we often have talks that go deeper than a normal client relationship.

K is in the mist of a major change in his life.  This is something he suspected could happen a few years ago, and if it did, he thought he would be fine with it.  But, he’s not.  He’s a little freaked out.  Now he wishes things weren’t changing and he needed to talk to someone about the situation.

I’m not sure he’s talked to anyone else about it.  I’m not sure, given the thoughts going through his head, that he would even feel comfortable talking to anyone else. If some in his life knew what he was thinking, well let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pleasant.

I have a hard time understanding why so many people feel comfortable pouring their hearts out to me. It seems a bit weird to me because I have very, very, very few people who I ever pour my heart out to.  I don’t have a me!  My husband says people open up to  me because I truly listen, I don’t judge, I don’t try to fix it, and I empathise.

Being empathetic is a problem for me.  I tend to get too empathetic.  When I know a friend (as I consider K) is hurting or upset about something, I sometimes can’t help letting it affect me emotionally.  I sometimes wish I could be less like this, but it’s who I am.

I have it going through my head that he may not have a happy future., and that bothers me.  He’s a great person.  He deserves happiness.  On the other hand, he knew several years ago if he chose the path he did, this change would most likely come about.

I have no advice for K.  I can’t fix his problem, no matter how much I wish I could.  And, as my daddy (and probably everyone else’s) used to say, “You made your bed and now you have to lie in it”.  To me, that’s a bit harsh, but we do have to face the consequences of our actions.  I can only hope it turns out for the best for K.

Is there really such a thing as too much empathy?

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6 Responses to i don’t have a me

  1. SweetB says:

    Ok, first, I love the pic with this post. 🙂 But seriously, I do think it is possible to have too much empathy, not that it’s a bad thing though. You just internalize it and end up having an emotional reaction. I can imagine that having that response is hard for you but really, I think it’s a good thing. You care deeply about people and I think that’s such a rare thing these days. Maybe, just maybe, opening yourself up from time to time may help though.

    Margie

    • Seashell says:

      Margie,
      I know in my heart that opening up would be good for me, I just don’t have a me in my life that would listen, that would not judge, that would not try to fix it. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I am blogging.
      I work in a very male dominated industry and don’t have the opportunity to make many friends at work. Outside of work, it isn’t very easy either. I’m not much of a joiner and am basically a homebody. I like spending time at home and I like spending time with my husband. That probably explains why I lack friends that I can open up to. I can open up to K, and have. It’s a weird but wonderful relationship, but one I am grateful to have.
      ~ shell

  2. joejimgregory says:

    Hi Seashell!

    Sounds like we’re two of a kind. And yes, it is easy to feel like there’s no “me” sometimes. I’m just what everyone else expects me to be. Which is okay up to a point. Let’s you please just about everyone.

    Except sometimes that means you don’t please some. And more importantly, often that includes the most important one on the list – yourself.

    If you’re not pleasing yourself, how can you really know if you’re helping anyone else? Gotta draw the line somewhere. And it isn’t easy is it. Kinda makes you feel like you’re letting someone down.

    Stick to your guns though. Without “you” there’s nobody there for anyone else.

    Good luck. And when you find the trick, please let me know. 😉

    – Papa Joe

  3. Melissa says:

    I enjoyed reading this. After today’s “rant” as you put it (lol) I think there are those of us that are empathetic and those of us that take action, or “push” people to do something.

    I also think the world needs both of us:)

    • Seashell says:

      I agree Melissa! I can’t deal with drama queens either. But when a friend has a real problem, I grateful that I can be there to help, even if all I can do is listen.

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