I don’t think it will come as a surprise to Scuba Man that I don’t particularly want to go back to work. I unashamedly admit that I love being a housewife.
I love taking care of and spoiling my man. When I don’t work, I have plenty of time to do that. And he does get spoiled. There have been a few times in our marriage where I haven’t worked, for one reason on another, and he has enjoyed it as much as I have.
Before we moved here from Texas, I didn’t work. I got up in the morning with Scuba Man. I fixed him a hot, healthy breakfast and made his lunch. After he left for work, I would exercise, shower, & get dressed.
I would run any errands and clean the house. I had time to make nice dinners, instead of something fixed in a hurry. He would come home from the office and wouldn’t have to lift a finger. Everything was already done. I was so freakin’ happy, and healthy! He was pretty happy, too.
When we moved here, we had a hard time selling our home in Texas. We were paying rent up here and a mortgage there, and I had to work. Once the house sold, we bought one here. One that we realised way too late, is way too big for us.
Fast forward a few more years. Hey, we were making a mortgage and a rent payment a few years ago, let’s buy our retirement home! Let’s pay off as much of it as we can before we actually retire!
Another fast forward, and Willow is adopted into our family. An addition we have never once regretted. Four months after she came into our lives, she got seriously ill. Cue the savings drain for more than a year. Cue expensive immune suppressants and expensive blood tests needed for the rest of her life. Cue vet visits for the slightest thing wrong because her immune system is compromised.
Fast forward to my lay-off.
So here I am, stuck in limbo, knowing I have to find a job, but not wanting to. Knowing that we’re spoiled and don’t want to cut back enough for me not to have to go back to work. Financially we could make it work, but I don’t want Scuba Man to have to give up the things he loves. There are probably things I wouldn’t want to give up either.
We can afford for me to take a lower paying job. I’d like to find one with less stress,. IT is a stressful environment. I’ve thought about looking outside of IT, but I feel sure I would hear a lot of ‘you’re overqualified’.
I’ve felt out of sorts since I returned from the beach and really started my job hunt. I’m not feeling any motivation for the job hunt because I’d rather not be doing it. I’m not feeling any motivation to work on the house because I’ll start a project and then end up having to finish it on weekends and evenings because I’ll be going back to work.
I know I should just do it, whatever it is, but I feel like there is no longer any structure in my life. How do I get my mojo back?