i don’t understand why

Last month, one of my blogging buddies had a very bad experience.  She believed, and quite correctly, that one of her other buddies whom she had shared personal information with, was not who they led her to believe they were.

At first, I didn’t know who it was she was referring to.  One of our mutual blogging buddies was upset because they thought it was them.  Apologies were made for not blogging under their real name.  Posts were written about how they hoped it wasn’t them she was talking about.

Our mutual buddy seemed like such a nice person, so caring and sweet.  I thought they were just being silly thinking it was them.

I had no idea she was referring to our mutual buddy.

It didn’t bother me that this person was posting under an assumed name.  I don’t post using my full, real name.  Nor do I have a picture of my face on my blog.  I’m just Shell, and you know what Scuba Man and I look like from behind.

As the situation worsened, she stopped blogging.

She felt very betrayed by this other blogger and decided to take a break from blogging altogether, not knowing whether she will ever return.  It is very sad, as she is such a great writer and such a good person.

A few weeks ago, I received an email, apparently sent to several people, from our mutual blogging buddy.  This is when I discovered who the culprit was.

At first, it still didn’t bother me that this person wasn’t posting under their own name.  Nor did it bother me that this person had more than one blog.  That is, until I started reading the other blogs.

As it turns out, this person is hiding things.  From their readers, from their friends, from their spouse! The person writing one particular blog is not a person that I want to know.  You don’t hide something from your spouse as big as what they are hiding from their spouse, the person you are supposed to love.  I find that to go 100% against my values.

The person I knew from the blog I usually read was totally different from the person in the other blogs they were also writing.  The person I knew was totally fictitious, with a fictitious family.

I thought they were real.

Three of the four blogs that I know this person was writing seemed to be written by three different people!  I was floored.

Now it was my turn to feel betrayed.

I guess it’s just the way I was raised, but I can’t understand this person’s thinking.  Not so much that they had more than one blog, or that they blogged under an assumed name.  What I don’t understand is why all this was hidden from their readers.

Why were their readers not told this blogger also blogs under this name?  Why leave two different comments, as two different bloggers?  Why pretend to be so many different people?

The thing that has bothered me the most is, I don’t understand how this person can hide a fact that is so critical to a marriage from their spouse.  If you feel the need to hide something so important from your spouse, is it worth staying married?

But then again, are they really hiding anything?

Can I believe anything this person writes on any of their blogs?  Are they even really married?  I don’t know what to believe anymore!

I no longer subscribe to this person’s blog.  I really want nothing to do with this person any more.  I can’t trust them at all.

The whole situation makes me angry.  This person betrayed the trust of not only me, but my blogging buddies.  They betrayed one very special blogger who no longer is blogging because of it.

How dare they???

* My apologies to my blogging buddies that know the situation and may be tired of seeing it discussed in print.  I just needed to vent.  Now, I’m going to take a deep breath and walk away…

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15 Responses to i don’t understand why

  1. LeRoy Dean says:

    It’s unfortunate that “some” people feel the need to be less than honest. I like simple and real; “what you see is what you get.” Good post!

    • Seashell says:

      I like simple and real, also. I understand the need for some privacy on the Internet, like not using full names, etc. but pretending to be (at least) three different people is mind boggling to me.

  2. Hi Shell,
    It was a very sad state of affairs and one that still affects me deeply. You are so lucky to have Scuba man as I’m with Mr Piglet; others are not so lucky and we must be grateful for what we have. I will keep my own counsel as to the ins and outs, but I do not condone deception in any shape of form. However, I did try to understand the why? Why would one of my buddies go to such ends to deceive…our other buddies – perhaps because I want to believe the best in people and the depth of despair “they” must have felt to have driven them to what they did. Many people have been hurt and betrayed in different ways. I’ve often felt stuck between a rock and a hard place
    because a buddy is someone you see through good times and bad….and for me it always comes back to the why? why why? 😦
    It makes me feel so sad just thinking of this whole episode.

    • Seashell says:

      It makes me sad also, Pip. Like you, I trust people and always believe in the best. At first, I thought I could be there for them. But as I got deeper into what was going on, I realised trying to be there would feel like me going against my values. I wish this person nothing but the best and I pray they can get their situation to where they want it to be.

  3. melsar93 says:

    I know who this is about (or at least one of them), but I haven’t read any of the other blogs so my opinion may be off here. I don’t think this person started out being malicious. I can see the appeal of different personalities on the internet – it seems like a lark. The problem is that real relationships get formed with the real people here in bloggerland.

    • Seashell says:

      I don’t believe any maliciousness was intended at all, Mike. I also like the appeal of different personalities on the internet. Another blog as another person would be kinda fun, but I don’t think I could do it and deceive people, especially my buddies, into thinking I was two different people. Referring to myself as the other person as if the other person were not me. As I mentioned, the deceit going on with the marriage (if there is such a marriage) was the deciding factor for me.

      Forming real relationships here in the blogger world didn’t seem like a problem to me until this situation can about. Being the trusting person that I am, I just assume (and you know what they say about that) I am dealing with real people. Perhaps my innocence, like 1961’s, is now lost. I know I am more cautious about emailing anyone met on a blog.

      All that being said, I doubt that I could turn away this person if they reached out. It’s just who I am. But I don’t think I would ever trust or believe them again.

  4. Country Living says:

    Although I don’t know who this person is, that’s why I was sooo hesitant on starting a blog! I love to write and meet new people. There are those few who spoil it for everybody else, as far as the trust issue! I’m sorry y’all had to go through this. I went through a similar situation w/ someone on Blogger, who totally went weird on me! and kinda made me skeptical about starting a blog! But for the few of y’all who are truely genuine, I really appreciate all the hard work that everybody puts into their blogs, and I really enjoy reading them!

  5. barb19 says:

    I seem to remember coming in at the tail end of this situation, so I don’t know all the facts. All I can say is it’s so sad that some people can’t even be honest with themselves, let alone other people. As for me – what you see is what you get, no airs and graces – and I view my fellow blogging buddies the same way, and I expect the same from them.
    It’s such a shame that one person’s actions can create such havoc with another person’s online presence.

    • Seashell says:

      Yes Barb, it is a shame. I don’t think anyone knows the whole story except for the two involved. I’m the actual person who writes this blog, so what you see is what you get with me, too!

  6. boyonabudget says:

    My son’s school presented a cyber bully program today. Sounds like a blogger needs to go back to middle school and learn a thing or two about treating people with respect on the net.
    I don’t revel a lot on my blog. But there are a handful of blogs I really enjoy reading often and getting to know the bloggers. I try to practice what I always preach to my son “If I don’t have something nice to say, I don’t say anything.” I’m not going to go and pretend to be someone else so I can say something behind a mask of deception.
    How about a beach update tomorrow. I won’t get to see the ocean until August. Paint me a picture in print of the April Fools waves:)

  7. Dillon says:

    Oh my. I’m sure you and everyone else is sick of talking about this by now, but I just (finally) realized that this situation had occurred and who “they” were.

    I totally followed your thought pattern, going from not thinking anything was wrong with it to feeling somewhat betrayed. I didn’t have much interaction with the “culprit,” and I’ve only briefly seen one of the “alter egos,” but I still feel like I’ve been… mislead. And it does raise a question of blogging ethics.

    At first I thought, why didn’t this person just use the same username for all the blogs? But then I realized that this wasn’t just blogs about different topics, it was blogs by different people, complete with made-up families. Then I was thinking that nothing good could come from that. But, as you and Mike pointed out, it could be fun, if it weren’t for the fact that you are interacting with real people. Now I just don’t know.

    Part of what confuses me is that I don’t know how this person was “found out” or what exactly caused your friend to start fearing the culprit. (I’m pretty out of this loop, which is probably for the best.) Nonetheless, it does raise a little bit of panic and paranoia. But then I think, what does it really matter, since I don’t really know this person (or most of my blog buddies) in “real life” anyways. The Internet, however, has managed to change what “real life” is. I feel like I do know people like you and Scuba Man, people like Mitch and my blog buddy Gina; when I heard about the earthquake in Japan, my very first thought was “I hope Cocomino’s family is all okay.”

    I guess all I can definitively say is that what the culprit did was dangerous from the start. I can’t decide if I think it was necessarily wrong or not.

    Anyway, sorry for the really long reply here. I’m up way past my bedtime because I was scanning the blogosphere trying to figure out what was going on, so my thoughts are all starting to run together. I’ll probably end up lying awake for the rest of the night pondering the issue now. Oh well, I spend many nights sleepless and pondering life. At least tonight I have something new to ponder. :/

    • Dillon says:

      Umm, like I said, it is way past my bedtime…… Please read “Mike” in my above post every time I say “Mitch.” 😳 Sorry Mike! Your name and Mitch’s are just too similar for my very tired brain to sort out properly… 🙂

    • Seashell says:

      I don’t know what caused the fear or how it was found out there were different blogs as different people. My guess would be too much information was shared via email and all the blogs have the same ip address. I didn’t press for any information as the person this happened to was already frightened.

      I think the only wrong here is that the culprit didn’t make reference to all the blogs being the same person or that some of the families/people discussed were fictitious. IMHO, it should have at least been discussed with those he was communicating with via email.

      All that being said, the ‘culprit’ is a good writer. They had a lot of people believing in characters that were made up in the imagination. It may be time to put that skill to good use in writing short stories or books.

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