everything is unfinished

I am having a difficult time completing things outside of work projects.  I’m not exactly sure why, but I have two theories.

I feel incredibly overwhelmed by all I have/want to do.  I think it’s because I set my goals too high and expected more from myself than from others and from what others expect of me.

I’m not too much of a perfectionist the way I used to be, but I still have those ways when it comes to something I am doing.  I want what I do to be perfect for the most part.  That’ s lot of pressure to put on myself, and it is something I need to get over, if I could only figure out how.

Because of this long list, I don’t know where to start so I take no action other than getting the necessities completed like laundry and bills.  And then I want to just veg, which in turn makes me feel the Catholic guilt, which makes me feel depressed and I want to do even less other than lose myself in a book.  Losing myself in a book is the answer to everything.  It translates to 42.

Reason #2 is depression.  It’s clinical depression with me.  Right now the meds don’t seem to be working as good as they were before.  I’m not sure if it’s because the days are getting shorter, the stress at work, or just because I have dwelt on things I shouldn’t be.  That’s a vicious cycle.  You start thinking about something that depresses you, which makes you dwell on that thing, which makes you even more depressed, and round and round it goes.  It can’t be helped when that thing just pops into your head for no reason.

I need to concentrate on getting out of this funk.  I know I need to take baby steps with my list and be satisfied with what I do get accomplished, even if I can’t get it completed all at one time.  I need to get back into meditating, which I keep saying but haven’t followed through on.  As my friend Theresa put it in one of her blog comments, I “definitely need to give myself an emotional kick in the butt.”

I just need to figure out how to do that!

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10 Responses to everything is unfinished

  1. LeRoy Dean says:

    “To Do” lists can become overwhelming. Try a “To Do” list with only one item on it. Complete that, cross it off, make another list of “one” item. It’s kinda like eating an elephant…one bite at a time. 🙂

  2. I don’t know where to start so I take no action other than getting the necessities completed like laundry and bills. That’s exactly what happens with me; it ends up being a vicious cycle.

    When I was in this same place years ago I ended up going on meds, which for a number of reasons ended up being a bad choice. So I’m trying to avoid that route but at the same time I don’t want to feel this way indefinitely.

    Please keep us posted on how you’re doing!

    • Seashell says:

      This is my second round of being on meds. I don’t like it, but I know I can’t get out of it alone. I just need to dig myself out of this hole I’m in.

  3. barb19 says:

    I don’t think any of us likes taking meds, but sometimes they are necessary Shell. You are being too hard on yourself and it’s affecting you adversely.
    Why don’t you scrap your old “To Do” list and start a new one with just two items on it. When they are done, you will get great pleasure in crossing them off and you will feel like you’ve accomplished a lot! Then make another SHORT list for tomorrow. That way, you should get through what you need to – and feel good about yourself. Just sayin’.

    • Seashell says:

      I try to do that Barb, I really do. I’ll set a daily goal of one or two small things, but in the back of my mind, I still think about everything else. I need to try and stop that! But Scuba Man took me for a nice motorcycle ride in the country today and it really helped me to feel better.

      • barb19 says:

        I was also going to suggest getting out of the house; seeing the same four walls day in, day out, can get you down. A motorcycle ride in the country obviously did the trick – good on ya Scuba Man!

  4. I like to create to-do lists with absolutely everything on them, down to drinking water, eating meals, and waking up in the morning. Because so many of the things are easy to check off, it makes it seem like you’re able to get things done. And I find that once I can look at a list with a bunch of things crossed off of it, it gives me the confidence to tackle the harder tasks.

    Another thing I try is writing up the tasks on post-it notes, sticking them to the wall and violently (or not so violently) destroying them when I finish the task. Shooting them at the trash bin can be a lot of fun.

    As for the depression, I can offer you this: When I begin to feel like I can’t move, I find something that I really, really enjoy and do it. Normally, I watch stand-up, because laughing releases chemicals in your brain that really do help chase the depressive feelings away. But playing music and dancing crazily or finding funny youtube videos helps, too! Here’s one to start you off. It’s called the Four-Chords Song, and it’s by and Australian comedy band where they show how tons of pop songs are made by using the same four chords. I’d love to hear what you think of it!

    Here’s the official music video:

    And here’s the one in concert, which has the song titles, which makes it a lot easier if you don’t listen to a ton of popular music (like me!):

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