I am having a difficult time completing things outside of work projects. I’m not exactly sure why, but I have two theories.
I feel incredibly overwhelmed by all I have/want to do. I think it’s because I set my goals too high and expected more from myself than from others and from what others expect of me.
I’m not too much of a perfectionist the way I used to be, but I still have those ways when it comes to something I am doing. I want what I do to be perfect for the most part. That’ s lot of pressure to put on myself, and it is something I need to get over, if I could only figure out how.
Because of this long list, I don’t know where to start so I take no action other than getting the necessities completed like laundry and bills. And then I want to just veg, which in turn makes me feel the Catholic guilt, which makes me feel depressed and I want to do even less other than lose myself in a book. Losing myself in a book is the answer to everything. It translates to 42.
Reason #2 is depression. It’s clinical depression with me. Right now the meds don’t seem to be working as good as they were before. I’m not sure if it’s because the days are getting shorter, the stress at work, or just because I have dwelt on things I shouldn’t be. That’s a vicious cycle. You start thinking about something that depresses you, which makes you dwell on that thing, which makes you even more depressed, and round and round it goes. It can’t be helped when that thing just pops into your head for no reason.
I need to concentrate on getting out of this funk. I know I need to take baby steps with my list and be satisfied with what I do get accomplished, even if I can’t get it completed all at one time. I need to get back into meditating, which I keep saying but haven’t followed through on. As my friend Theresa put it in one of her blog comments, I “definitely need to give myself an emotional kick in the butt.”
I just need to figure out how to do that!