friendship or lack thereof

Isn’t it strange how we let friendships slip away?  In some cases, you can pinpoint why.  In other cases, it’s hard to pinpoint why.

There are work friends that no longer want to keep up the friendship if you or they get another job.  Rarely do these friendships survive not working together any longer.  Though, one or two become even closer friendships than when you worked together.

There are friends that no longer live near enough to visit.  At first, you keep close contact, but over years of not seeing each other, all but the strongest of friendships fall by the wayside.

There are friends that get divorced and find a new set of friends.  You still occasionally stay in touch, but it’s not very often.  More and more you can’t find much to talk about because it’s been so long since you have talked and your lives have gone in different directions.

Then there are the friends that you just don’t know how or why you grew apart, but you did.  Or there are people you see a lot in the course of everyday life that you would like to be better friends with, but don’t make an effort to.

I don’t have a close friend here.  I have one in Texas, but we don’t see each other but once every couple of years and we don’t talk much.  But, she is someone I can talk to about anything or just sit in silence with.

I miss having a close friend near.  There’s no one to have a girls night out with or just hang out with alone.  I have my sister, but it’s different with family, and she doesn’t live close enough to be able to do that anyway.

I don’t make friends very easily.  I’m a bit shy when it comes to people I don’t know well.  It’s hard for me to make the first move.  My interests are much different from many of the other women I meet and, quite frankly, many of them think I’m weird.  It’s hard to develop a friendship when you have nothing in common.

I have male friends that I have a lot in common with, but a lot of men, especially the married ones, still consider it taboo to have a close female friend.  Or, their significant other finds a close female friend threatening.

I am at a loss about how to repair a friendship where you’ve grown apart.  How can the first move be made without total awkwardness, especially if you don’t know why the friendship grew apart?

I know I need to be more social.  I need to have more people in my life, not just my social media life.  I have wonderful blogging buddies, Facebook friends, and long distance friends.  But when I need to blow off steam, there’s no one I can do that with.  I miss that.

I know I shouldn’t, as it’s one of the 10 commandments, but I envy those people who have a few close friends near.

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10 Responses to friendship or lack thereof

  1. melsar93 says:

    This is a post I could have written a few years ago. Of course if I had it would have been with a significant amount of foreshadow. I now have tow people I would consider very close friends, but we only reached that after I left my job in 2010. We worked together and got along, but after I left we found reasons to get together.

    I think it is hard for us introverts (I am making a correct assumption here I think) to make new friends because sometimes just being a round people can be draining. I don’t really have any advice because I think I just got lucky that I found a couple of guys that I got along with. Of course they still think I am weird.

  2. Seashell says:

    I think a big part of the problem for me is the lack of females in IT. In every job I’ve had in Richmond, the females on the team have all come from different cultures. My last job and this one, I am the only female. And, most of the guys here are from another culture also. My job is where I meet most people.
    You put it in a way that I couldn’t find the words for “sometimes just being a round people can be draining”. That is such a good way to describe it. I have a hard time tolerating people who won’t/don’t use their brains or feel they have to constantly be in the spotlight and will say or do anything to bring attention to themselves, usually by being dishonest. I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually!

  3. barb19 says:

    I am in the same boat as you Shell as regards friends. We retired 4 years ago and moved away from city life and everyone we knew, to a completely new area. I find it hard to make friends, and I am finding it harder as I get older – more picky perhaps?
    I miss my old friends but don’t see them very often as we live too far away now, so I have no special friend here that I can pop round for a coffee and a chat. I do still have an old-time friend but she lives in the UK and I am in Oz, and although our friendship has survived for 40 years, it’s not the same as having someone closeby.
    I know I need to get out and meet people but it all seems too hard. However, we do need other people in our lives besides our partners, so I am going to try harder. We have a Community Centre here so I am making myself go to some of their functions to meet some of the locals. Who knows – I might find a like-minded friend there?

    • Seashell says:

      I hope you do find some like minded people there Barb. One of the problems with places like that here, are most of the women in this area don’t work. The book clubs and other such groups meet during the day, which I can’t do. I need to see if there is something else like that which might work for me.

  4. Wow, another of your posts that I can totally relate to!

  5. I’ve seen this happen a lot over the years, especially after moves. Things are particularly rough right now because all of my friends are off at college. What does work well is to skype whenever you have the chance and to text or call them whenever you see something that makes you think of them. Cecelia gets a kick out of all the pictures of greeting cards I send her. I always try to send them late at night when I know she’s stressed out over homework.

    But the good thing is that you have all of us lovely people hanging out with you in cyberspace, and we all love reading your posts! I get excited every time I check my email and see that you’ve posted something new! 🙂

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