Friday night I had such a nightmare, I woke up crying.

Scuba Man went to the beach this weekend.  He is swapping out the smaller fridge there for the bigger one in the garage here.  We don’t need a big one here, but can use a bigger one at the beach house.  He also took down our old dryer as it works better than the one currently there.

He left Thursday after work and he took Willow with him so I would have a nice, relaxing, stress free weekend.

I slept fine on Thursday night.  Friday night was awful.  I dreamed Willow had passed away. It was horrible.

It started with her falling asleep on the sofa at the beach, and she never woke up.  I wasn’t there with her, and that broke my heart even more.  When she goes, I want it to be in my arms, feeling how much I love her.

I was in a strange house, with my family around.  I was so distraught, but after hearing the news and being sad at that moment, they went on as if everything was normal, while I felt as if my world collapsed.

I called Willow’s Aunt Sarah, the wonderful person who has been her vet from the beginning.  The person who has been with us through all her MRIs, spinal taps, hundreds of blood tests and infections.  She feels the pain we do and the happiness we do.  Willow loves her.

Sarah cried too.  She asked what had happened and she knew how I felt about not being there.  I wanted an autopsy done so maybe other vets could learn more about her disease, but on the other hand I didn’t want her to have to go through anything more.  I wanted Sarah to make arrangements for cremation.  I was devastated and she was the only one who realised that.

After I talked to her on the phone, I went into one of the bedrooms to be alone and to cry.  I didn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t understand how I felt.  That’s when I woke up, with tears streaming down my cheeks and Pockets sitting on my side looking at me as if to say “What’s wrong Mommy?”

Poor Scuba Man.  Every time I chat or speak with him this weekend, I ask if Willow is ok.  I don’t think I’ll be satisfied until I have my sweet baby girl back in my arms.

Now I have to go find some tissues because I’m crying all over again.

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3 Responses to nightmares!

  1. barb19 says:

    Oh shell – I’m right there with you (sob), feeling every bit of your pain. That was a horrible nightmare.
    It reminded me of when we lost our beloved Penny (Poppy’s sister), three years ago now; I held her in my arms as she slipped away. Oh dear, I’m at it again, sorry . . . I’m still raw after all this time.
    Scuba Man says Willow is fine, but I know you wont rest till she is back where she belongs – in your arms.

    • Seashell says:

      You are so right Barb. They will be home in just a few hours and I can’t wait. I’m so sorry this brought up bad memories for you. Sending you a big hug (((Barb))).

  2. barb19 says:

    thank you shell, it’s ok. {{{{{hugs back}}}}}

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