sometimes a feel like such a sissy

I walked out of Costco today with tears in my eyes.  I was not only angry, but I was a bit scared.  More scared than angry.

My angel baby.

Willow has to take immune suppressants to keep her meningitis in check.  If she doesn’t take them, she usually ends up in extreme pain and has a long stay in intensive care.  I can’t handle that.  I hate to see her in pain.  I hate her having to stay in the critical care unit.  She’s not there by herself.  It’s manned 24/7, so I don’t worry about her medically.  I worry about her thinking mommy and daddy abandoned her.  I also feel like that when we leave her with her pet sitter

Anyway, back to Costco.  Last Tuesday, Scuba Man had gone there to get Willow’s medication refilled.  They only had one of the 6 boxes she needed.  They said they will be getting the rest in on Thursday.  I went today to get the remainder.  After about 15 minutes, they came out and told me they wouldn’t be getting them from the manufacturer until MAY!!!  How can a medication, the same medication that people use to stop rejection of organ transplants, be out of stock for more than 2 months?

Needless to say, I freaked.  All I could think about was what if I can’t find her medication anywhere else?  Imagines of my sweet girl in pain and in the hospital just brought tears to my eyes.  I sat in my truck and cried.

I had to go to our grocery store to pick up antibiotics for her skin rash.  I asked them if they carried her medication in the dosage she needs.  The pharmacist said they didn’t carry it, but he could order it for me.  I can pick it  up tomorrow evening.  I asked them to call me if there were any problems.  I worry if their supplier is in short supply as well.

Now, I sit here wondering if the grocery store is going to call and tell me they can’t get it either.  I know, I’m a half empty kind of person.  If it was me, I wouldn’t care.  But it’s my baby girl.  She doesn’t understand what is happening to her.  All she knows is that she hurts and mommy and daddy can’t stay with her.  She has been through so much since she was just a 6 month old puppy.  It’s been almost 3 years since this all started.   We’ve started weaning her off of this medication, but it’s a slow process and will take most of the year, if we can get her off completely.

It’s possible she may need this medication the rest of her life.  It’s expensive, but I just don’t care.  I’ll get a second job or eat Ramen noodles if I have to.  She’s worth it.  She is such a bundle of unconditional love, I would do anything to keep her out of pain and healthy.

I pray to God that the grocery store can get her medication.   I pray for God to make her healthy again.

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4 Responses to sometimes a feel like such a sissy

  1. barb19 says:

    Oh Shell, what a situation for you to be in. Have you tried the internet to find some place that has the kind of medication Willow needs? I’m sure you have gone down every avenue though.
    I just hope and pray that the grocery store can get it for you. Please let us know.

    • Seashell says:

      They WERE able to get it Barb, thank God! Apparently, they use a different, much bigger supplier than other places in the area. They were able to special order it and I was able to pick it up just one day after the prescription was transferred there. I felt so much better when they called to say it was there and they’ll be able to keep some in stock for us. My sweet angel has someone up there looking out for her.

      • barb19 says:

        I am so relieved to hear that Shell; I was so worried because I know how much Willow relies on that medication.
        I guess you will use them as your regular supplier from now on.

        • Seashell says:

          That’s for sure! They are a lot more expensive, but she is so worth that and so much more. It was a relief talking to the pharmacist. At least she understood how important the medicine is to Willow and already has it ordered for next month.

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