suicide is not painless

For those of you who have watched the TV show M*A*S*H, the name of the theme song is ‘Suicide is Painless’.  I’m here to tell you it’s not.  Not for anyone.

There must be incredible pain for the person committing suicide.  How else could ending your own life be explained?  You don’t end your life because it’s so great.  You end it because of the pain.  The pain you feel gets to be too hard to face every day.  You see killing yourself as a way to end the pain.  The actual act may be painless, or have little pain, but emotional pain is what drove you to it.

For your mother, it is very painful.  Moms aren’t supposed to bury their children.  They’re not supposed to plan a funeral for you.  They’re not supposed to find you hanging from a support in the garage.  They’re not supposed to wonder how they’re going to go on without you.  They’re not supposed to wonder if it’s something they did that drove you to this.

Your children, those old enough to realize what has happened, are in pain.  They are going to grow up without a father.  They will wonder ‘why wasn’t I enough to make him want to stay around?’  They will wonder if they didn’t love you enough.  They will wonder if it’s something they caused.  They will think back on all the times they misbehaved or fought with you and wonder if they should have done something differently.

Your sisters will be in pain.  They will wonder why you didn’t keep the family intact.  They will wonder how to tell your niece and nephews, who will also be in pain because they loved their uncle so much.  Your sisters will think back on the memories of growing up, knowing new memories with you will never be created.

Your pop will be in such pain he doesn’t know how to express it.  He doesn’t know what to say or do to comfort his daughter.  He’s never experienced anything like this before and with your Buscia being gone, he just can’t handle it.

Your aunts and uncles will hurt also.  They will ask themselves if there was anything they could have done to help you.  Were they there enough for you?  They will also remember the times spend together as you were growing up.  They will be in pain seeing their sister going through such hurt facing the rest of her life without her only son.

All of your friends will hurt, asking themselves if there was something more they could have done for you.  Should they have stayed up longer talking to you so maybe you could let some pain out?  Should they not have broken up with you, tell you they want to be just friends?

Suicide is not painless for those left behind.  Those who wonder why life wasn’t worth living for you.  Those who love you but have to face the future without you.  Those who feel guilty because they think they could have done more for you.  Those who grieve for their mother, their sister, their niece and nephews that are left without you.

Suicide is NOT painless.  Think about it.

National Hopeline Network                    1-800-SUICIDE

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline     1-800-273-TALK

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3 Responses to suicide is not painless

  1. I think it must take tremndous courage to commit suicide. I do understand though when people are cornered that they could do so. It’s so sad.

    • Seashell says:

      We can agree to disagree. Right now, having just gone through this, I think suicide is the cowardly, selfish way out. What takes courage is those left behind picking up the pieces of their lives and moving on. I don’t think that will be easy for any of us.

  2. barb19 says:

    The balance of the mind has to be disturbed for someone to commit suicide, but I do agree that it seems to be the easy way out for some people. The loved ones left behind are the ones who suffer and are left to pick up the pieces, trying to make some sense of it.
    I feel for you so much Shell, because a close friend of mine went through this when her brother took his life – the family felt they’d failed him and were lost, they didn’t know which way to turn. I guess the only way to deal with it is to talk about it with family and hopefully, help each other get through it as best as they can.
    My heart goes out to you and your family Shell.

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