This is not a feel good post, so be warned.
I have been stuck in the blues for a few weeks now. I’m not sure why. It started when Scuba Man went to the beach for 10 days to work on the new deck. I stayed home, for various reasons. The biggest one was to keep the animals out of the way while the work was going on. Willow would have wanted to follow daddy and Uncle Bob every time they went out the front door.
Every time Scuba Man goes away, it gets to me. I get depressed and don’t want to do anything but veg. I know this is wrong and I know I shouldn’t get this way, but I can’t figure out how to stop it. I tried to force myself to get up and work on things around the house, but I only managed to keep it clean and do laundry. I did a lot of binge watching of Ally McBeal. Horrible, I know!
Scuba Man came home, and it helped some. I got a little more done around the house, my spirits were up a little. I was still not feeling my normal, happy self though. I tried to keep an upbeat mood. After all, my hubby had been gone for more than a week and I wanted to show him how happy I was that he was back. Plus, we were headed to the beach for the weekend. How could I not be happy?
Good question. We got to the beach house Friday night and it seemed to make things worse. My sister and brother-in-law had been there that week, as were my niece, her youngest daughter, and a friend of hers. We get to the house and there were no sheets on our bed, no towels in our bathroom, cushions had been left on the deck chairs and got rained on, and things were just not how I left them. Usually, I’m okay with this, but it hit me the wrong way big time Friday night. Why is it that I don’t get to spend as much time enjoying my home as other people? Why is it that when I walk into my home, it’s noticeable that everyone has been there but me? Things aren’t where they belong, there’s food in the kitchen and fridge that we would never buy or eat, stuff there that I don’t know where it came from. It hurt. Why? Why did I react this way?
Yesterday just seemed to deepen my mood. Not only did we have to leave the beach, which always makes me a bit sad, but it was my first Father’s Day without my daddy. I rarely saw my dad on Father’s Day. My brother and sister-in-law usually rented a condo in Ocean City that week and my dad always went with them to the beach. I know yesterday was terrible for my brother. For me, just not even being able to call and tell my daddy Happy Father’s Day was so hard. Then, last night, Scuba Man was insensitive about it being just another day. I got a little miffed and explained, that to me, it wasn’t just another day. It was my first Father’s Dad without my father.
So now, here I am, listening to Phil Vassar because his music always seems to cheer me up. I hope that after listening to Phil for the rest of the day that the blues will leave and I’ll be a much more pleasant wife when I get home from work. Until then, I’ll just sit here and wait for Phil to work his magic.