You make me brave

I came across a blog a few months ago that I really liked.  Being the person that I am, I had to go back to the beginning of the blog before I read a lot of the most recent posts.  The blog is Single Dad Laughing.  It’s a great, interesting blog about the struggles and joys of being a dad.  Mostly, it’s a humorous blog, but this morning, as I came up to the last few months of 2012, it became very serious for a few posts.  Dan has written several serious and controversial posts before, but for this one, his bravery was incredible.

ID-10053859You see, Dan came out as being bisexual.  He lives in Utah, in the middle of Mormon country.  He comes from a Mormon family.   He lived with the knowledge of his attraction to men for many, many years but felt the need to hide it, mainly because of the teachings of his church.  His church taught that bisexuality and homosexuality was a choice and those who choose it should be shunned.  It’s no wonder he lived with his secret for so long and had bouts of depression!

Shunning is something I don’t understand, because Jesus loved everyone.  He shunned no one, but that’s a post for another day.  As I read his posts about all he went through before he actually wrote them, about how deep he had to dig inside of himself, it made me think of digging I need to do.  But what truths about myself would I find?  Could I be as brave as Dan was?  Was I ready to do this?

Then, at church, I knew God was speaking to me when the last worship song was ‘You make me brave.’  As I listened to the words my pastor was singing, I knew it was time to dig in and find my happiness.  If I find that, I could be a better wife.  Nothing that I am, other than a child of God, is more important to me that.

Scuba Man has been through a lot with me in our marriage, and his love never wavered.  I am incredibly blessed to have fallen in love with such a wonderful man.  I have always felt that he deserved a better wife, a better marriage that didn’t have so many struggles in it.  He’s not going to get one, mind you, but he deserves better.  The only way to give that to him is to find out what has always made me depressed.  If I discover that, maybe I can find my happiness.




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